Monday, December 23, 2013

"White Christmas" Ramble

Betty and Bob from White Christmas are my favorite movie couple. They're not exactly a sexy, erotically
charged couple, but they are great, so I don't care that this post doesn't match the blog. It is still about character, after all.

I'm Betty. I've always been Betty, ever since I was a kid. Older sister. Responsible, honest, safe sister. She doesn't party. Misbehaving is beyond her experience. And in this movie for once, just this once, the responsible, safe sister gets the guy without having to change.

She doesn't need a makeover. (In fact Bob rejects the idea of so much as changing her hair color at the beginning of the film.) She doesn't have to "find herself" or "learn how to live."  Betty is quiet, strong, ethical, independent. Bob loves her for it and she doesn't have to change at all for him to love her.  And the movie revolves around Betty and Bob, the safe characters. The wild characters of Judy and Phil are the secondary story-line, focusing all of their attention on the two main characters (albeit for selfish reasons).

"But where is the character development?" you ask. Screw it.  Let Judy develop into someone who isn't a manipulative liar or let the General develop into a man who knows how to accept help. Betty is perfect and lovely and she's even the fat sister! I know Rosemary Clooney  isn't remotely fat, but compared to Vera-Ellen (who suffered from anorexia)....she made me feel good as a size twelve D-cup teenager when my little sister wore a double-zero.

Betty is awesome because she is a proper role model, who proves you can get the guy by being yourself, even if "yourself" might not feel particularly exciting. I think it's important to have characters like her in the center of a story sometimes. Because quiet, sensible people deserve to have stories and romances written about them that accept and celebrate their sensibility. (Yes, Betty did run away instead of confronting Bob, but I blame that on the writers, not the character.)

My mom and I watched White Christmas together every year when I was a kid and teenager. We don't get to spend a lot of time together any more, but I still watch it every year. It's not the most exciting love story, or the most passionate, but it's me.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

New Release...this ones a little different.

I've published my first volume of children's stories. I've written it under the name L. M. Bricker. It is currently only available on Amazon.

"The Adventures of Prince Edwin, Princess Alice and Friends" is a collection of five stories written for my niece and nephew. They are kind of special because all of the people and places in the stories are people they know and places in their neighborhood in Akron, Ohio.  There are tons of in-jokes for people from the neighborhood (none of which are reading this post).

I don't know anything about writing for children. I didn't write these stories for an open audience, but for my family.  I wrote what would make my dad laugh and characters that would hold the attention of a video game playing 5 year old boy and a 3 year old girl who is interested in kittens and princesses (while still being feminist forward of course).  My beta readers thought they were funny (and one hates children's lit) so I figured I would pass them on to the world.  If you're not interested, cool.  If you want to give them a try, it's only 99 cents. (That's like a 5 piece chicken nugget but with less cancer-causing chemicals.)  I'm pretty sure I haven't written anything inappropriate (unless you're a conservative christian arsehole). I mean, how many kids know what Krav Maga is anyway?

Amazon 99 cents

This is a collection of five children's stories written for the author's niece and nephew. With little practice writing for children, the result is an idiosyncratic but charming collection with lots of humor that will also appeal to any adult reading aloud to their child. (The author would guess this work is at a third or fourth grade reading level, but the stories can be enjoyed by all ages.) There is no overt violence but does include evil witches, zombies, and a princess who wears pink and carries a sword. 4,000 words.

The stories are:
The Christmas Dragon
We meet Prince Edwin and Princess Alice, royal siblings from the kingdom of Kenmore. They must rescue the village of Redfern from a dragon at Christmas.

Osa, Sedona, and the Frog
Two dogs encounter a frog in a Mud Run Swamp.

Price Edwin Meets the Grass Man
Prince Edwin meets a new friend and they rescue the dogs of Kenmore from an evil witch.

Jules and Nigel Save the Day
Orange cats Jules and Nigel save Grandpapa Jorge from a cannibalistic zombie squirrel.

Princess Alice and Lady Tali have a Tea Party
Unfortunately it's interrupted by some mean fairies.

Amazon 99 cents

Monday, December 16, 2013

Books I Will Never Read (and Why)

A few weeks ago I stumbled on a blog that listed books that the blogger had no intention of ever reading. I liked the idea, but the only reasoning the author gave for any of the books was "meh."  (I didn't save the link, nor do I even remember what blog it is, sorry.)  Here's a few books I have no intention of ever reading, and why.

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
Or anything else by Rand for that matter.  I tried reading it as a teenager but could only get a few pages in because I found the writing tedious, but my reasoning as an adult is that Rand's philosophy of pro-capitalism is just horrible.

Pet Cemetery by Stephen King
I don't handle dead cats very well at all. The beginning of the movie made me turn it off real quick, and I will probably never pick up the book. Also, all respects to Stephen King, I think he's a great story-teller, he writes wonderful short stories, and I've enjoyed every movie adaptation of his work I've ever seen, but his novel-writing style and I have never meshed.

Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer
I read the first book because it didn't seem fair to make fun of it without having at least tried, but I have no intention of ever reading the others.  It's really one of the worst written series that never deserved to get popular. Anti-feminist, melodramatic, obnoxious characters, and the absolutely terrible writing makes these books the worst books ever written.

Fifty Shades of Grey series by E. L. James

Tess of the D'Ubervilles by Thomas Hardy
I watched the 2008 mini-series and it traumatized me for life.  Most depressing story ever. My fiance hates movies with misery in them (this story is nothing but misery from beginning to end) so sometimes to torture him I follow him around all, "She was raped and she named the baby Sorrow and then it died!" And he hates me.

The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
Nicholas Sparks has a very punch-able face, don't you think?  I actually know little about his work other than it's drippy christian romance, and that's enough for me to stay far, far away.

Friday, December 6, 2013

New Release: The Punishment (DL 3.5)

I wrote this short a few months ago when I was offering autographed copies of Deadly Liaisons volume 1. This
was slipped in with the books as a special gift. So if you ordered volume 1 directly from me, you already have a hard copy. If you want it digitally as well I'll make sure you get it for free.

That being said, this story is going to be free for a short time on Smashwords, probably until Monday. *Update: Have decided to leave it free for the month. Merry Christmas. It will be listed as 99 cents on Amazon unless you guys price match it. (Please do!)

I'm struggling along with book #5, which is entitled Daybreak.  I made a whopping 8,000 word start during nano, but it has a complicated plot complete with flashbacks and possibly a 3rd POV, which I havent done before in this series, making it a little bit different.  So you guys get this while you wait. I'll also be releasing something in January, but it's still up in the air what that something will be.

Buy at Smashwords (FREE)
Buy at Amazon
Buy at Amazon UK

After the disastrous events at Club Midnight Jamie-boy is angry at Damian for not letting him have his moment in the spotlight when reporters flock to New Franklin. Damian is angry at Jamie-boy for risking his life. Someone just might have to be punished. (Contains m/m sex, bondage, spanking)

“I’m sorry.”
“Somehow I doubt that.” Damian walked towards Jamie-boy, looking dangerous, his eyes burning dark as he stared at him. Jamie-boy backed up until he fell into the couch and then Damian was straddling him, pinning his arms against the back cushions.
“Wh-what are you going to do?” Jamie-boy asked. The fear he felt was the terrifying thrill at the top of the roller coaster before going over the edge. Something was going to happen and it was going to hurt…but he was probably going to like it. His cock began to stir in his jeans and he knew Damian was aware of it.
“Not everything we play is a game,” Damian said, gripping Jamie-boy’s wrists tighter. “Someone died. More people could have. You are not allowed to put yourself in situations where you would be killed. It would annoy me greatly. But beyond that, you disobeyed my direct orders. Don’t you understand what you've done by aligning yourself with me? Can you possibly think I’m some fluffy, de-fanged, cuddly vampire?”
“I-I don’t think that.” But just as he knew Damian would never hurt him, he also knew Damian was law-abiding and just. He might not be de-fanged, but he did not kill people. Other vampires, maybe, but not people.
“I think you do.” Damian stood and pulled Jamie-boy to his feet by the front of his t-shirt, yanking him across the room and down the hall to the bedroom. Damian dropped him on the floor. “Clothes off, now."

Sunday, December 1, 2013

The Nanowrimo Post

art frm Allie Brosh, stolen with love
Thank god it's finally over. Thanksgiving came at the absolute worst time for Nano. I'm very much an introvert and Thanksgiving was 3 days of constant socialization for me, so at the end of every night I was a frazzled mess, and I knew I had to write over 10,000 words to make my word count during that time.  I also kept having to get up early. I havent had more than 5 hours of sleep a night in days.

Needless to say, my writing got really weird towards the end (oaky, it was weird pretty much all the way through). Lesbian fisting, furries, centaur cocks, snuff, and I wrote FOUR children's stories that probably arent fit for children because the squirrels are zombies, I have dudes kissing frogs, and the princess knows Krav Maga.

I wanted to work on "Deadly Liaisons #5: Daybreak" and a m/m steampunk novella called "Made to Love Him" and get both pieces done. Well, DL5 only hit 8,000 words and MtLH is at 15,000 words.  The rest of my word count is spread across ten (finished!) short stories. The kids stories are for my niece and nephew for xmas, four of them are already published under other names (they're not my usual style, but I have sold 10 copies so far) and two more need polishing. One of them might be pubbed under Leigh Wilder (lesbian fisting), but the other (the centaur sex) probably will not.

Below I have made a nifty info graphic illustrating how a semi-professional writer deals with Nanowrimo. (I make lots of pictures when I nano. It helps with the stress.)